AaAaAaAaAaAaHhHhHhHhHhHh.....!!

this is me sighing.
first term is over at school, and yesterday i had my first class of second term.
that's not the problem. i love medical terminology, and i'm not saying that sarcastically. i think i'll do very well in both classes. medical terminology and body structure and function... i've done them before. ya, once upon a time i wasn't some retail slave with no monies. i used to be smart and educated (got my CNA and pharmacy tech certification) but then the stupid monster ate my brain and i did very bad things for a while.
and it's not the "shaping up" that's getting to me either. it's weird maybe, but i think it's the fact that i don't know whats going to happen day to day.
like, the school is awesome but the online portal only gives you the schedule for the week, and screw the rest. also, the only calendar i have gotten EVER (related to the school and it's operations or whatever) was from the librarian for the library hours. that was a whole month placemat looking thing.
and this kind of thing never bothered me before, because God knows i'm not a planner, i'm a make it up as i go, doesnt matter if i know what im doing or not, type of person. i just go, i just do, and it has always been good. and it has always been good enough. i think... omg.
i think it's paulie's influence. !!! ah!! my brain is exploding...
he loves planning, and calendars and schedules. i hate those things. but i made a google calendar and signed up for google docs, because he freaked out pretty much when he didnt know what was going on on what day and when. so i facilitate the lives of those i love in any way i can, you know, short of wiping their booty if they're grown enough.
but i think by doing these things i've warped myself somehow.
i mean normal people have calendars and stuff and they don't go insane, but i should probably tell you i'm not a normal person. i thrive on chaos and disorder. and apparently
my brain is dying by calendar.
hehe.
i feel better now that i figured it out, i just need to chill.
so anyway, we're whizzing over thanksgiving by the seat of our pants :) i dunno what we'll do for christmas but i would like to see my family a little. last year i only saw my mom for about an hour, then we went to paulie's parent's, who took us to his sister's house which was full of foreign (to me) stuff. probably a typical american christmas, but it was... umm...
boring. with cheeses on platters. and children playing instruments badly. and funny looks from white people who think they are open-minded but are wondering worriedly about the little brown girl in the corner. and funny (not good funny) sibling hatred which is physically palpable but completely ignored by everyone else in the room. i dunno, my family isn't like that. they're not perfect but they don't smell like cheesebreath. and there was no music. that killed it.
oh yes, i forgot. i'm going to try the friggin slow cooker! hopefully it is as easy as so many people say. i would like to be able to make like a stupid pot roast or something, just to do it.
i'm also working on a knit hat, which is based on two hats (which coincidentally are very similar) by Bev Q (i can't spell her last name without copy and pasting it) who has that cool website that's centered around making stuff for preemies oh i should put that link on my list! ... and another nice lady that i can't remember her name (sorry nice lady! i like your hat!)
and i'm trying to make my cousin something for her baby, but i keep starting and ripping it out, cuz i havent really decided what it is yet :P i'll get it done by december i hope
that's enough for me, i've got to get to school!

Mari <3